I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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