the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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