There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
