cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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