Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
