okay pat passed out under dana's car
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Randomize
