im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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