No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
