the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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