They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
