It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
