i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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