You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
