Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
