I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
