She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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