I love black thongs
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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