I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
