If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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