so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
