so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
