its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
