It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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