I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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