Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
