I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
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the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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