Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he told me I talked like a deaf person
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
