He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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