i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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