Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
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Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
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That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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