I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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