We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
