we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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