i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
