3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He better not be in your backpack
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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