If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
