If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
