I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
