He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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