My nipple is on Facebook.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
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