Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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