He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize