My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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