my being single is dangerous.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
