dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
