He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
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It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
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Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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