I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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