nut hugger
I think I am morally bankrupt
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
