Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
