I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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