I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
