State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
My feet surprised me
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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