I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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