Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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