i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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