yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
