u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
