True but thats because hes a fetus.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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