8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
