I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize