There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
