If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
