I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
