I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
