just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
